The Fourth Quarter Podcast
Living the last quarter of your life with intention around health, fitness, nutrition and joy! Learning from others and tuning in to hear live one on one coaching that educates, inspires and motivates you to move!
The Fourth Quarter Podcast
EP022: What If Your Dad’s Greatest Lesson Was Unspoken
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Father’s Day can be joyful, complicated, or both and sometimes it’s the one day that makes you replay your whole childhood in a few minutes. We go off the cuff with raw stories about our dads: what we misunderstood when we were young, what we admire now, and what we’re still working through as men living in the fourth quarter of life.
We talk about dads who weren’t always at the games because they were grinding to provide, and how adulthood changes the way we read that absence. We dig into the unspoken lessons that shaped us anyway: honesty in business, treating people with dignity, staying calm when things go wrong, and the kind of leadership that never asks others to do what you won’t do yourself. Along the way, we share family-business memories, laugh at a couple of “how did that even happen?” moments, and reflect on generosity that expects nothing in return, including caring for people on the margins.
We also zoom out into longevity and health mindset: why family becomes the strongest motivation to stay fit, why men’s health and prostate health matter as we age, and a perspective shift we love when stress hits hard: “Could money solve that problem?” If yes, maybe it’s not the real problem. We close with a tender song tribute and a simple challenge to choose a better perspective, even if your story with your dad is imperfect.
Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave us a review. Then tell us: what’s one thing your father did that you only understand now?
Opening And Fourth Quarter Mission
SPEAKER_03Wake up, wake up, and listen up. Welcome to the fourth quarter podcast with your hosts, Doug Talmich and Ted Ania. Tune in as we dive into living your best life in the fourth quarter of your life. Hear from health and lifestyle experts, inspirational stories, learn simple steps to keep you motivated or to help get you started. Finally, join us as we coach others live on air who want to begin a healthy lifestyle or just might be stuck and need a breakthrough. Remember, it's never too late to decide to be great. Momentum keeps you motivated, so take a deep breath, lean in, and let's go. Hey, welcome back to the fourth quarter podcast with Doug and Ted. With Doug and Ted. We are here. We are going to do a special episode this week, a special episode. It probably won't be as long as our typical episodes. Maybe. We'll see. We'll see. But in honor of Father's Day coming up, we are going to open up the box for Ted and I and for our audience on honoring our fathers. We're going to ask some questions that Ted and I will answer. These questions are random. We might have heard some of them briefly in conversation, but we haven't had time to really dig into them or think about them. So whatever we say here is going to come strictly off the cuff. We'd also like to encourage and ask anyone listening to if you hear something that strikes a nerve or hits an emotional string or a hard string, or you just want to share how you would answer one of these questions, man, please put it in the in the text thread. Again, everything you send is anonymous. So we won't know who's sending it. But as I always say, if you'd like to put your name on the text thread as well, so you we know who's giving us the response, we'll take that as well.
Guest Updates And Betty Recap
SPEAKER_03But for now, let me go back as we let's keep some of the format, Ted. And you know, last week we we had Betty back on again. She was returning guest, and I think she'll be back on uh again down the road because she is, as we call her, our guiding light for this fourth quarter in our lives. She's 82, soon to be 83, I believe she said in October. And this lady is traveling the world, getting in more steps than the typical 20 or 30-year-old, and just living life on a whole extraordinary level. And in her conversations, on her interviews that we have, she drops great bombs of wisdom and action items that help have helped her stay young and be active well into her 80s. So you definitely want to tune into episode, I think it's 21 and episode seven with Betty. Uh, but Ted, with that said, before we get into the Father's Day segment of this podcast, who do we have coming up? And I know the schedule's been a little bit hit and missed there with guests because of scheduling and all that stuff, but I know we've got some awesome irons in the fire. And once we get scheduling ironed out, it's we're gonna have some great interviews coming up. But who's coming up and when, if you know and or not, but just give us some idea.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And you know, you we talk on this podcast about mindset and turning negatives into positives, and you know, we had some guests lined up for this week, and because of scheduling issues on their end, at the last minute they had to cancel. So, you know, that being a negative, we decided to make this a positive and and talk about our dads, and you know, the timing happened to be right, and it it worked out really well. So, again, mindset is everything. Turn turn those negatives into positives, yeah. You know, going back to Betty real quick, she was very, very good as usual. You know, it was a little shorter conversation with her this time, but just as many nuggets of wisdom in there, yes. Uh it was really fun having her on again, and and we'll definitely have her back. Everybody seems to enjoy it when she makes an appearance. Just briefly, we have a number of people that are going to be on. We just like Doug said, we just need to get them lined up and uh figure out when they're coming on. We've talked about Hans Carlson, who's a physical therapist that works with people in their fourth quarter. I think he'll be a great guest. I'm looking forward to that. We have Nick Luzon, who I had referenced in one of our previous episodes. He coached our daughters in soccer for a couple of years. He has done a number of things. He's currently, I believe, the athletic director at the Olympic Club in San Francisco. And he had mentioned that they have a lot of guest speakers at the Olympic Club, and a lot of them are talking about longevity and health as people get older, so it seems to be a good fit. We have a woman who may or may not be a cousin of mine, we haven't figured that out yet. We have have the same last name. Uh, she lives in New York, and we became friends on Facebook probably five years ago through other people with the same last name. And I I follow her, and she is 68, she's she's my age, and she is just doing some extraordinary things. I mean, she is out hiking, not on a daily basis, but especially in the summer, because I think she works in the school, so the summer she's pretty open, but she's out hiking, and I'm not talking about going out for a little walk in the open space, she's out hiking mountains, yeah. And when it's winter time, she's skiing those mountains and mixes in pickleball on top of that. So she is living the fourth quarter, yeah, like you'd want to be living it very active, and on top of that, keeping up with I believe it's 11 grandkids, yes. Uh so it'll be fun to talk to her, and uh actually be the first time I've ever actually talked to her, so that that'll be fun. Uh who else? We've we've got some others. Oh, uh we're going to have an episode coming up probably in be over a month because he's out of the country, but urologist is going to come on and speak to especially the men in the audience about the importance of staying on top of your health, prostate health, which is kind of near and dear to me. So it speaking of fathers, you know, that's what my dad had. And so he's gonna come on, and he's he's quite a character, so that'll be fun having him on and and listening to what he has to say and getting some wisdom for the men in their fourth quarter. And we just keep trying to uh to book other other people to come on that may be of interest to the audience. So, you know, we'll we'll get them on here and line them up and knock them out.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I love that. Ted, I just you know, people can't see us because this is an all-audio podcast, but I could I get to see because we record on Zoom and you got a little emotional there talking about your dad and going through the prostate thing. And yeah, just you know, just I like when you get real, Ted. I like when you get real, and you know, if you need to pause at any time during this, let me know, man. We we could press pause. But but let's keep it let's keep it real.
SPEAKER_02It's interesting the difference between the two of us. You know, your dad's still living, yeah. You're 60 years old. My dad passed away, I think, when I was 37, 38. Oh wow, yeah. Wow. But uh on the you know, on the positive side of that, I actually uh worked with my dad, so I got to be with him pretty much on a daily basis for man, 15, 16, 17 years or longer, you know, which was great.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I remember you sharing that you you would you would jump in the truck with him to go do deliveries.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, I I started on a truck with him when I was 11. Yeah, uh, I think it was more him babysitting me than anything, but uh yeah, when I got out of school when I was 22, I went to work full-time and you know, we were together on a daily basis, and yeah, that was, you know, it wasn't always smooth going, you know, family business with always some challenges, right? But I wouldn't trade it for anything, yeah. Very good.
SPEAKER_03And you, on the other hand, you're 60 and you know, still have your dad, which is yeah, and I'm living next door to him in a little cottage and have been for the last couple years, and you know, keeping an eye on him, taking care of him when he needs. He's pretty independent, but sometimes you can see the value of me being here next to him, that you know, helping him out uh just just today. He got home with some, you know, a 60-pound bag of dog food, and that is gonna stay in the car until I go over there and get it out of the car. Right, right. You know, so little things like that, you don't realize that uh, you know, come in handy. You know, it's been a blessing last couple years. Uh he's been there for me and I'm and I'm there for him. And you know, growing up, Ted wasn't always easy with
Father's Day Reflections Begin
SPEAKER_03my dad. And that takes me to the first question. What's one thing? And again, you can answer however you want to answer, and and I'll try to answer. I'm gonna ask some questions. If we have answers, we'll answer. And again, I want to encourage the listeners that if you want to answer any of these questions, just send it in the text thread. We'll we'd be glad to share them on our next episode, or at least Ted and I, you know, get a smile or or a nudge in the heart from from your reflection or your answer. But what's one thing your dad did, Ted, that you didn't understand as a kid, but you get now?
SPEAKER_02I I I think as a kid, I didn't understand the fact that he he wasn't there a lot in things that I participated in in sports. Right. You know, I would see other other parents there, other dads at baseball games and things, and you know, that was that was tough for me coming from a family with three sisters and no brothers, you know, was I was kind of on my own a lot, but I realized that the reason he wasn't there was because he was working so hard. He owned, you know, he owned a business and he was there six days a week, if not seven, you know, taking care of his family, right? So, you know, as a teenager, you kind of look at that and go, man, I wish he was around more, even younger than a teenager. And but you know, I see that now and just see that the family was first, and just you know, doing what he had to do to take care of our family, I think is uh one of the big things.
SPEAKER_03Well, what about you? Yeah, same, same thing, man. I was going right down the right down the same alley. You know, my dad at a very young age chose to start his own business. And uh my dad is somebody who's a visionary and he takes massive action. And as a result of that, you know, his his whole life was invested in his business. And when he when he did his business, he treated every single employee as if they were family. And so he committed himself a lot to, you know, just entertaining them, uh, treating them like family. He would take his crew out to nice restaurants. And and when he became successful financially, you know, he he brought everyone along. You know, he he didn't, it wasn't just about him. Again, as a child of his, and uh, you know, he had six kids. We all went for, we all didn't need anything. He provided, you know, more than we could ever ask for. And and I think the hard thing, Ted, is like you were saying in your story, is that, you know, at the end of the day, that's all good stuff. The stuff is all cool, you know, the nice homes, the trips, or or the clothes, the shoes, and all that stuff. But yeah, I don't think it gets rid of the, you know, a young kid's desire to have their dad around. It's just the way it is. And again, I don't hold that against him. And but I did have to go through a lot of uh talking and and exploring and understanding and get to this point in my life to say, oh my gosh, you know, I should have been a lot more grateful for what he was doing, you know, because I was making it all about me, you know, being the the teenager, like where's my dad? And how come he's hanging out with the employees and why isn't he with us and blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, but because he did what he did, you know, I got to do what I got to do as a as a teenager and and as a young adult, and even now to this day here, you know, what he's done has provided for, you know, me and many others. So yeah, that's what I I think uh sorry, go ahead. No, I was gonna say that's that's one thing I didn't understand then that I clearly understand now.
Work And Presence Then And Now
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I think one of the things in parenting, you know, now that you know we're both parents and grandparents, is you you learn more by watching how your parents, your dad behaves, and how he treats people. I mean, that was one of the things that was a blessing for me, both personally and uh as I grew and and worked, especially getting into sales, I would go with my dad and just watch how he interacted with customers. And you know, first and foremost with him, and I think this is something I I've gotten. One of the biggest lessons I learned was just the honesty he had with his customers. You know, sometimes he he'd give them an answer that they didn't like, right? But he said, I'm not gonna tell you something just to get the business that I can't back up, right? You know, if we get that business. So he was he was very honest with people, and it was just a pleasure to see that interaction. And and he was the same way with his employees as well. I mean, they were like family, they bowled together, they did things together. And when I took over the business, my sister and I, you know, it was kind of the next generation of drivers that came in, and we we were the same way. We all hung out. I still keep in touch with some of them now. There were some fam other family members in there, cousins, and I'll tell you, those times were just so much fun. I wouldn't, uh it was hard work. We all worked hard, yeah. But you know, it's just you you kind of had a goal and you were working towards success for everyone, like you said. And yes, wouldn't wouldn't trade dad for anything.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think our dads were similar in the in the honesty department. My dad was very, I don't want to say rough around the edges, but he said it like sometimes was scary, like he told he told his truth, the truth, and you know, but he also had a you know, he also had a mouth on him sometimes like a sailor. And so I'd watch him saying things just like and and everyone in the room would just be like, what the heck did he just do? But the person he was speaking to, you know, it had the reverse effect. They had more admiration and respect for him because he said it like he said it and the way he said it. You know, they honored, like, okay, you know, this guy's for real, you know. Like, I'm talking to him, he ain't sugarcoating nothing. This is what it is, and that's how it is, and you know, and I think I picked up a little bit of that from him in some areas of my life, but it was fun, it was entertaining watching him, you know, do his thing for sure.
SPEAKER_02Well, and it's funny that my dad, and I I picked this up from him the other direction. I very rarely heard him curse, yeah. I just didn't do it, and you know, he used to say I I can't remember how he put it, but basically, you can you can come up with other ways to communicate, right? Right, without you know, and and some people that's that's how they communicate, and that's fine. You you have to be genuine, right? Uh but I I still remember that first summer when I was 11. Man, I'll say not only was he babysitting me, but I did so many things that uh I'm surprised he didn't just send me home, tell my mom, don't don't wake him up in the morning. And uh I mean, I I I was 11, I didn't know what a clutch was, I knew how to turn the key in a truck, right? Didn't know that it was in gear and drove it right through the city building that was adjacent to our property.
SPEAKER_03Now, when you say right through a city building, like through the wall or through the garage door? Through the wall, okay.
SPEAKER_02So you literally building was right, was kind of our property line, and we parked our trucks there, and I went in and just turned the key thinking I knew what I was doing, and the thing was in gear, it started up, took off, jumped a few feet right through the the wall of the building. Uh that's a good one. I love that, but I can still remember another time that same summer because I was on the truck earning money to go to Disneyland. I think I've told the story before, and the guy I was going with was also on the truck. So my dad was babysitting both of us, right? He was a little older than me, so he helped a little bit more. But I can remember sitting, we were at a grocery store, truck parked there, and it was hot, hot in the summer, and the sun was beating down on the window, and we were in this stop for probably an hour and a half, just beating down on it, and we get back in the truck, and I put my feet up on the dashboard against the window, and it had been so hot that it actually melted the stripping around the gasket that holds the windshield in.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I put my feet against it, and the windshield fell right out onto the parking lot, and my dad just looked at me and said, Damn it, and then got out and took care of it. And the guy I'm with, another Italian family, he just couldn't believe it.
SPEAKER_01He goes, If that was my father, he would have lost his mind. He goes, Your dad said, Damn it, that was it.
SPEAKER_02That was just kind of his manner, and I, you know, I saw him angry at times, but not too often. He was very mild-mannered, and I think I've taken after him along those lines for the most part. Yeah, every once in a while the Sicilian temper comes out, but we try and keep it.
SPEAKER_03I've never seen I've never seen it, Ted. I've never seen you. You've been very it's not a pretty thing. Well, I hope I don't have to see it if it's not pretty.
Lessons Learned Without A Lecture
SPEAKER_03Hey, so what's uh and you kind of we've kind of both shared a little bit about this, but I'm gonna ask the question what's what's the best lesson your father taught you without trying to teach it? If you had to think about that for a second, what's the best lesson you think your father taught you without trying to teach it? I mean, that example you just said, Ted, whether you realize it or not, you know, to not react when you're angry, you know. I mean, he said, damn it. And man, what a beautiful. I mean, that's who I see when I see, mean when I meet Ted, like that's who you are. You see stupid stuff happen all the time, and I never see you act out or react to it. You always respond. Maybe you're reacting in your brain, in your heart, but you know, he taught you. I think he taught you a valuable lesson there in case you don't know the answer to that question.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, and and I I think you're right. And I I think just seeing how he he treated people more than anything, not only customers, but family, and and you know, family was so important, a lot of cultures, but the Italians especially, you know, family was so important to him, and to see. That and the one thing that I can still remember one of his I think happiest well when I would see him the happiest was when the next generation was there. When my friends would come around the house, he just absolutely loved it. And our house was kind of the party house for Super Bowls and different things. My parents always, you know, never hesitated to open their house up to me and my friends and my sister's friends, and they just loved it. And I am the same way with my daughters and their friends. It's just so much fun to see them. And now that they're having kids, see my grandkids and my daughter's friends have kids, is just I understand why he always just kind of kind of sat there with a smile on his face, yeah. You know, and just kind of observed, and you know, my friends used to just always love coming over, and my dad was always very quick with a smile and a laugh, and they they saw that and really appreciated it. So I think that's the biggest lesson that that I got.
SPEAKER_03Very cool. Yeah, my friends liked coming over too, but mostly because my dad would let them have a beer. But yeah, I mean, we he didn't get out of hand or nothing like that, but you know, it was just a cool we lived out on 21 acres, and that's just we were out in the country life out there, Ted. There wasn't a lot of people.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, there was a little alcohol involved in uh those parties as well.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and he loved when my friends came over too. And he still to this day, he asks, hey, you ever see this guy or that guy? You know, because I'm I'm back in that area where I went to high school again. But you know, one of the best lessons my dad taught me without trying to teach it.
Humility And Respect In Leadership
SPEAKER_03I don't know if he was trying to teach it, but you know, one of the first jobs my dad owned a business also in San Francisco for 40 plus, I think almost 50 years. It was a courier business, messenger business. You do you remember the the bike messengers in San Francisco? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So he he had one of the biggest and oldest companies in San Francisco with the bike messengers. And we also had vans and bobtails and stuff like that, and motorcycles and mopeds, all that stuff. I mean, it just grew and grew and grew. And, you know, growing up, watching my dad become financially successful, you know, it was time for me to get a job after high school and even during high school and whatnot. And I remember the first job he gave me was picking up trash, cleaning up the messengers would all come in. And again, bike messengers, they were like vagabonds, man. They were dudes from all over the world. Some of them literally rode trains, you know, around the country and did all like a real vagabond, man. It was like some, it was crazy. And I remember meeting this one guy, he had a freaking Harvard degree, and but he chose to ride trains around the country and become a bike messenger. And it's very, very smart guy. And I was just this young kid, and I'm just like, man, this dude, you know, like why would you choose this route? And I can't, that's a whole another topic for another time. But I remember they would come in and they weren't the cleanest people in the world, you know, they were people, and that's the lesson my dad taught me is to just respect and honor people. And he did that because my very first job was to clean up after all the, I mean, there would be 20, 30 bike messengers coming in, and they'd have to do their paperwork at the end of the day for all their routes they did and all this and that, and and they'd throw stuff all over the floor and garbage and this and that, and then use the bathroom. So my my first job was to pick up after them every day and then go clean the bathroom. And one of the lessons I learned from that was that you know, don't ask somebody to do something that you haven't either done yourself or that you're not willing to do. And that that lesson is just like it's deep inside of me. It's like, hey, you know, if you know, so when I asked somebody, when I when I became a leader in in youth ministry in in the Contra Costa area, you know, one of the when I started developing teams, you know, I had like 30, 40 adults and and 20 to 30 teenagers, and we'd have to, you know, leave the place. My motto was always to leave the place cleaner than we found it. You know, we always want to leave that impression, whether we're going on retreats or we're having a social night with the teens, and I would be there, you know, checking the bathrooms, cleaning the bathrooms, and but I had no problem asking anyone to do that stuff either, because I went in with the confidence of knowing that, hey, I'm not gonna ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do. You know, so if I ask you to set up chairs, I'm gonna do it too. I'm gonna be right in there next to you. I just need a little extra hand. Or if I ask you to go check on a bathroom and clean up a few things, I'm gonna be in the in the other bathroom cleaning it up, and I just need some extra hands. And so that was a valuable lesson because it it helped me develop some solid team members and teamwork in with the people that I worked with in the in the ministry life for over 17 years.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, I could see that. And I kind of experienced that same thing, you know. I I think it's very similar, like you said, especially when it's a family business, you do uh anything and everything to make it successful. Yeah. Uh you know, in our business, the dairy business, it was we were distributors, and so was driving trucks and delivering product uh to people. And you know, I can just remember not only the way you know us doing that, but I can remember our drivers. We we treated them well, and I think they appreciated that. I can remember these guys literally being sick in the morning with you know flu. They probably shouldn't have been out around people, but I mean, these guys literally would would get sick and get on the truck and go out and do it because they knew you know it had to get done. And that was always appreciated by by us. And you know, I think they knew they were being treated well, and in in turn they treated us well, and I'll always appreciate that.
SPEAKER_03That's uh you know, that's a great sign of you know, the the respect and dignity your dad showed to them because to get people to do that, you know, to show up on that level, you know, they don't do do that just for anybody, you know. But if someone has shown them kindness, respect, and dignity, they're like, hey, I it doesn't matter. I'm I'm gonna be here for you because somehow, somehow, my belief system is that you're always there for me. You know, that's what's going on internally. And I've my dad had that same impact and effect with his employees. I mean, they would do anything, he would ask anything, and he never had any concern of people doing anything. As a matter of fact, early on when he started his business, before it started becoming financially successful, he hit a little season where he couldn't make payroll for a season. And he has there's people in his life today that were part of that season who said, Don't worry about it. You know, let's just keep going. And I mean, he knew stuff was coming down the pipe. There was outstanding, you know, payments coming, but they weren't coming. And so but his employee said, We're we're here with you. And you know, but when you have that kind of character, you know, they he just demonstrated that and exuded that from an from early on. That's just who he was, from a kid to you know, young man to a businessman. Is that you he respected others, he treated him with dignity and and respect, but he also commanded a lot out of a lot of people, too. You know, he was like he he ruled with an iron fist as well. So, but he gave but he showed a lot of love and a lot of grace.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I I gotta tell you a funny story that uh as we're talking just made me think about it. Was you know, as my dad got older, my sister and I took over the business. So my dad would always come in and would always be there basically every day. And one of our big part of our business in the summertime was we had ice cream vendors that came in. The guys that go around to the houses and oh, yeah, I remember those deliver ice cream in the trucks to the houses and neighborhoods, and there was a good deal of them were East Indians that would come over, and that was one of the first things they would do is get an ice cream truck and and deliver around. And you know, and being a family business, my sister was there, my brother-in-law, myself, and we'd always refer to my mom and dad as mom and dad. So all these ice cream vendors also refer to them as mom and dad. And one of the things that would happen as kind of a rite of passage is a guy would show up and he'd have been in America for a day or two, three days. Right. And they would the ice cream vendors would bring him into the office. My dad would be sitting there, there'd be four or five of them, and they bring this guy in and they say, Dad, dad, this is this is Sekinder. And my dad would look at him and he'd say, Sammy, you're Sammy. He would give them their American name, and a day or two later, an ice cream truck would show up, Sammy's ice cream on the side of it. Oh my god, this guy would be driving, but they would all laugh, Sammy, Sammy, they'd tell them. And uh yeah, my dad, my dad would always always name them, but that's awesome. Yeah, that was that was fun. And yeah,
Generosity Toward Strangers And Tough Love
SPEAKER_02that was good memories.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I I have a good memory, you know. Speaking of memories now, as now that we're talking about this, is you know, I I remember my dad was massively generous, like he was always around the holidays, he worked with this, he still gets his turkeys from this one company in San Francisco. I don't know what it's called, I forget, but he's been going there for freaking like 40 something years. And he and every year it was a thing. He would go load up his vehicle with a bunch of turkeys, and there were certain families that he would go deliver himself. He would go deliver all these turkeys. I mean, he had access to all the couriers and messengers to go do it for him, but this was important to him to go deliver. The other another another moment that I saw him just just how you know, just just dignity for, you know, he came, he grew up dirt poor, literally. Like his, I think he had a dirt floor when he was a kid. He was like dirt poor, nine kids, right? And Walsenburg, Colorado. And it was just a very, very poor town. His dad was a miner, all that stuff. And it was he never had his own clothes. Everything he wore was hand-me-downs. So I think, you know, when he when he made it, he he remembered where he came from. And I remember this one moment, this one person in particular, we called my my little brother and I, we called this guy Disappear. And he was a homeless guy that would cruise the alleyway in San Francisco all the time. And I don't know why we called him Disappear. Oh, or maybe he called my little brother Disappear, so we called him Disappear or something like that. But his name was Elmer, and he was a homeless guy. My dad would always take care of, you know, for as long as we'd known. And I remember one weekend we were going away to Lake Berrias, and my dad had a boat. We're taking the family up there. And sure as heck, man, guess who was coming with us that weekend? No way. Elmer. Yeah. So it's like everybody's like, Well, what the heck is going on? We're bringing Elmer. He's coming up with us. And you know, he just wanted to show him, like, you know, to be around family. And uh, that's just who he was. At the core, I mean, my dad gave me a lot of hard lessons. Don't get me wrong, Ted. Man, I got the belt and I deserved it many times. I mean, I I got I got you know the corporal punishment, man. Woo! I've heard I've heard some of your stories.
SPEAKER_02I can understand that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but at the core of who he was, he was a very loving, generous man. And you know, to to reflect back on this episode right here, and just to get like, man, he he really did some really cool things and you know, just taught me, you know, and and today, as a result, today there's a lot of things that you know, I don't I I don't even want to say it on here, but there's a lot of work I've done with homeless just one-on-one and and in private, because that's what I wanted to remain, because that's what I was shown, that's what I was taught growing up, you know, and my heart just wasn't compelled to that.
SPEAKER_02And and what's amazing about that, the important part of that story is that Elmer couldn't do anything for your dad. Right. It it wasn't like he was doing it because he was gonna get something out of it. You know, he was just doing it out of the kindness of his heart, yeah. And that's I think that's the message more than anything, is do things for people, even if you're not gonna get anything out of it. Right. Because it's the right thing to do.
SPEAKER_03It is, you know, you know, Ted, looking back, there was a lot of times you know, when you grow up with a dad who's making it big and successful and all that stuff, not everyone, but some people, including myself, and I'm speaking about myself specifically, is you can grow up with a little sense of entitlement sometimes, you know, like, well, I got this, and my dad owns the business. And my dad was very quick to always check me and put me in my place. And I remember getting into work one day late or something like that, and and he called me up to his office and he laid into me. And he said, son, because you're my son, because you're my son, you should be here before, you should be opening up this place and be here before anyone else, and you should be the last one to leave. You know, you don't get to get off early and come in late just because you're my son. No, because you're my son, you need to work harder than everyone else. And I remember that too. I didn't like it at the time because, like I said, I was coming from a place of entitlement and like, come on, Pops, we got we we got it made, man. Hook me up, but he wasn't hooking nobody up in that way, that's for sure. Yeah, and I'm grateful for that today, you know.
SPEAKER_02And I don't know if this came from my dad because I don't remember him doing this specifically, but it you know, the messages that you get, but one of the things that was important to me to this day when I see somebody is you know, we had we had a number of drivers that work worked there, and I would never introduce somebody and say he works for me. It was always he works with me, yes. And I thought that was I I think that's really important because you know it's if you're not working with them, you're you're never gonna be successful, right? And you're never gonna treat them the way they should be treated, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely, absolutely. You know, Ted, we could go on and on about our dads, and and we could even transition to talking about us being dads, but I don't know, I just I really like leaving this here about our dads, you know, and about them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, you know, and there are a couple things. I mean, just and and we won't go into it much, but with Father's Day coming up, probably the you know, the the greatest thing I've ever done is my two daughters. And you know, you just you try and leave them lessons, and I'll tell you, part of part of this podcast, and this isn't the reason for the podcast, but I think it's a benefit of it, is my my daughters really don't listen to it, but maybe somewhere down the road I think about it and think, man, because we didn't have the phones, you know, with cameras and video on like we did. I I would give anything to you know hear my dad's voice, right? And so I think the same way, yep. Yeah, and you know, fortunately for you, you still got your dad with you, and you can get a lot of that, you know, and some of the stuff that we do have on my dad is on VHS tape somewhere that you know may or may never hear it, but you know, that's that's one of the things about the podcast I thought about was you know, they may not listen to it now, but down the road they may, and hopefully they'll they'll take little bits and pieces, yeah, or just just hear my voice, yeah. Uh you know, and and like you said, we can do this. We should wrap it up here pretty quick.
Legacy And Perspective With Gratitude
SPEAKER_02One of the things that I would tell my my daughters and my granddaughters and grandson, uh I heard this on on a podcast one day, and it it really kind of struck a note with me. And it was an older guy doing the podcast, and they said, What have you learned you know, uh over the years in your age? And he said, When I have a problem, when a problem comes up, or someone asks me about it, he said, I ask him one question Could money solve that problem? And if they say yes, I tell them then it's not really a problem.
SPEAKER_03Wow, that's a great question and a great perspective, isn't it? Yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_02You know, and we kind of talk about that as just how important your health is and those types of things, yeah. And I'm not I'm not discounting that because money, I mean, brings a lot of stress on to people, and you know, it's it's tough when you're you're struggling. We've all been through it at some point, and you know, I don't want to discount that, but you know, as you get older and you have a different perspective on it, it it really makes makes sense that you know, as long as you're healthy and your kids are healthy and your family's healthy, that that's really the most important thing.
SPEAKER_03I mean at that. And like you, Ted, I think you know, one of the biggest blessings for for myself as well is the kids, my three daughters and my son. And since, you know, I do have a son, I'm gonna just reflect a little bit. You know, it's interesting talking about my dad, reflecting on my dad, and then since this is a Father's Day episode, looking at my son and his character and his traits, his drive, his passion, his ability to provide the way he is with his daughters and the way he is with his wife. It just, you know, he it they I always I've told Max, my son is my son's name. I've I've told Max, I said, gosh, you've got so much of grandpa in you. You know, like he that like grandpa was successful and grandpa was driven, and grandpa was all these things. And I see that in you, son. Like you have that. That's it's I've because I grew up with it. I know what it looks like, I know what it feels like. And you know, it's really cool to see my son embody some of that. And then, you know, as every generation comes, some things get refined, you know. I'm sure my dad will be the first to admit, did he do it all perfectly? Of course not. Am I doing did I do things all perfectly? Of course not. Ted, I'm sure if I ask you if you did it all perfectly, you're gonna say, of course not either. But we do the best we can. And we hope that each generation learns and refines and gets better as they go. And I got to tell you, man, I'm I'm so proud of the father that my son has become because he's re he's refined a lot of things that have come down the line. And and he's just an excellent provider, a wonderful father. Ted, when I'm with him, it's just a beautiful thing when when he walks in the door. Like sometimes I'll get to his house before he gets home from work, and I'm hanging out playing with the granddaughters and all that stuff, and talking with his wife and having a good old time. And but as soon as he walks in, time stops, and the kids, Daddy's home, and they just attack him, man. And he and he attacks them back, and it's every single time, Ted. This is not a, you know, it's not a smoke and mirrors thing. Like this is just their natural reaction. And for that, you know, I know what it takes for to have that happen. And, you know, it takes presence. And and he is such a committed, like he works a lot of weekends. He he he drives, he has a huge commute every day from Oakley to San Francisco, you know, both ways. He gets up at three in the morning, he does all these things, and then he chooses to do sidework on the weekends sometimes. And, you know, so he's sacrificing a lot of family time. So, but when he is present, he's present. And it's just a beautiful thing to see the relationship and the bonds he's making with his family. It's just absolutely awesome. And again, not to take anything again, this is a Father's Day episode, but my daughters are also very, you know, exceptional uh ladies, and and you know, the ones who are mothers are great mothers and. ones who are and the one who is single is is a beautiful soul, you know, she's just uh precious and she lives in her own lane, and I just love that about her, you know. It's just uh our our children are definitely our our greatest gifts, definitely our greatest gifts, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And you know, I I I I want to give credit too, and on my end, I have two daughters, but their husbands, my sons-in-law, are you know, to see them as parents, you know, we had Ryan on the show, and and you know, like anyone, we've all got our faults, we've you know, we all have our struggles at times, but to see them with their kids is just such a blessing. And I when you were talking about Max with his kids, and I see my granddaughters with my son-in-law Ryan, and I see my grandson with my son-in-law Jeff, and it's you know it it brings out the best in them, yeah. That's just a great, great thing to say, and you know, it's funny that they both grew up very differently. One came from a family that had split up, parents had split up, right, and one came from a family that's very tight-knit, parents still together after she's close to 50 years, and you see that, and no, yeah, you're you heard the story about uh the twin brothers that maybe but refresh my memory. The father was an alcoholic, okay, and twin brothers. One of them was an alcoholic, one of them never touched alcohol.
SPEAKER_03Ah, okay.
SPEAKER_02And they said, How is it that you know you became an alcoholic? You know, you saw your dad became, he goes, I I watched my father. And they asked the other one, how come you never touch alcohol? And he said, I watch my father. Wow, that's huge, man.
SPEAKER_03That's a that's a mic drop right there. Perspective, man.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but but but I I bring that story up uh just in thinking about my two sons-in-laws, and you know, one of them experienced something very solid, family together, very close knit, right, and is emulating that, and the other one was a little bit rougher, how he grew up, and he's looking at it and doing the opposite, yes, and is staying tight with his kids and is so close. So you know, you can learn it it's amazing how your kids learn from observation and what what they do, and so yeah, pretty pretty cool stuff.
SPEAKER_03I was talking to a group of people last night who struggle with trauma, and uh I left them with the parting words about perspective. You know, we get to choose our perspective, and two people could be looking at the same thing, just like you said, the twin story, you know, but and whatever perspective you choose, and again, it's your choice, you know, and it that's hard to say to a little kid, right, who you think doesn't have a choice, but we all we all get a choice at some point to choose our perspective. And today we're honoring dads. Uh so if you're whether you're struggling with your dad or you have some issues, old, old wounds from your dad, you know, change the perspective. I challenge you to change your perspective. There's some lessons, there's some wisdom in there. Or if you come from the background where your your dad, you know, was you know taught you kindness and love and compassion, you feel there, and there's no problems with your dad, you know. That's awesome. Keep honoring that perspective. That's hot, that's what you saw. It's what you chose to see, you know, despite anything else. And perspective is a powerful word, and it's a powerful thing that can that you can choose to bring on and and use for wisdom moving forward. But Ted, enough of the the mushy stuff right there, man.
Song Tribute And Final Farewell
SPEAKER_03Let's get to the song and let's let's cap this show off with just a happy father's day to everyone.
SPEAKER_02All right, all right. Well, this is this was a tough one, which which direction to go with this song, but I I think I'm gonna uh go a different way. I'm gonna give a shout out to the two that made me a dad, my my two daughters. All right, and uh, you know, I think I I do my birthday challenges and I I do that for a reason. One of them is that I have told them that I hope, you know, years from now, when I'm not around anymore, that they'll continue this and one day a week, I'm sorry, one day a year, right, we'll you know, celebrate me and explain to their kids why why they still do this.
SPEAKER_01I love that.
SPEAKER_02And people asked why I do it, you know, why I'm I'm involved with staying healthy, you know, working out and stuff, and you know, it's it's because of them, and you know, I'll just I'll just play the song. Amen. I love it, and and I I second that it's because of them.
SPEAKER_00I can't believe you let me get married when you made me pinky swear that you are my true love, the one who braids my hair. You move me into an apartment, you assembled all my chairs, but dinner's not the same when you're not there. The hardest part of growing up is watching time take everyone you love, but I won't let it. No, I won't accept it. You're too young to be old, you're too fast to be slow, you're too wise to be confused, and I can't do this. My own young arms are strong, your mind is sharp, Daddy. Please don't break my heart. And say, don't go. You're too young, far too young to be older.
SPEAKER_03That's a beautiful, tender song, Ted. I the more we do these episodes, the more I just like, man, I didn't I didn't realize Ted was so dang tender. But now that you've explained your dad a little bit, it all makes sense, man. Your dad had a very tender heart, and he definitely passed that on to you for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I would have chosen something like uh like Thunderstruck ACDC or something. No, I'm just kidding. I'm a little rough around the edges, Ted. Yeah. No, that was awesome. That was a great, great song, man. It definitely pulls on the heartstrings, brother.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Well, this was good. This was a fun episode, uh, reminiscing about our dads. Yeah, it was for sure. And you get you uh are fortunate enough that you get to go over and move the dog food and spend some time with him. Amen to that, amen.
SPEAKER_03And I can't wait to drop this this episode to him on his phone and let him listen in and let him know that dad, I appreciate you and I love you, and thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for every for showing up and being a dad and doing all the things quietly and you know and profoundly in my life, especially at this time in my life, dad. I love you. God bless you. And with that said, Ted, I'm gonna sign off like I always do and say, God bless and peace out. If you like what you heard, be sure to subscribe, follow, share an episode. If you want to leave a comment, go to the show notes. There's a text link there. We will receive an anonymous text from you with any comments or suggestions. Thanks again for tuning in, and most importantly, keep on coming back.